Being good enough? A first-person action research inquiry into the experience of shame in professional practice

This thesis is a first-person action research inquiry into the phenomenon of shame within my professional practice in leadership and management development, in the context of experiential and experience-based learning.

Shame has received little consideration within the field of organisational development training, although within psychology shame is regarded by some as “by far the most frequently occurring emotion in modern societies, yet usually invisible.” (Scheff, 2014, p. 130)

I ask the question: how can I improve my professional practice of facilitating groups and coaching one-to-one by increasing my awareness of the potential presence of shame within myself, within my clients, and within our intersubjective field, where shame and fear of shame can become a hidden dynamic that permeates the relationship(s) and the work in hand?

To inquire into the elusive and hard to pin down experience of shame, my inquiry draws on autoethnographic story, imaginal dialogue, constellations, improvisation theatre, and personal reflection as methods to explore early experiences and my family of origin story, to unearth the roots of my own ‘suddenly not good enough’ moments. Further, using ‘live’ practice scenarios and first-meets-second person inquiry with peers and professional colleagues, I inquire into shame and fear of shame as an individual and intersubjective experience as it plays out in the training room.

I learned that a productive method of working with and around shame is to acknowledge it in myself and to keep in mind the idea of contagion of affect and the unintended consequences that the dynamic of unrecognised shame can create. My significant learnings are to embrace vulnerability as a positive and as an antidote for shame. I develop the metaphor of offering vulnerability as a gift, or the alternative, of shame that can be passed around, hidden and unspoken, like a ricochet.