Being my true self: An existential phenomenological inquiry into how transition influences identity in trans men

The number of trans people presenting for referral to Gender Identity Clinics has increased in recent years, with wait times standing at up to four years from the point of referral. Options for those waiting to be seen, who may also be experiencing mental distress, gender dysphoria and related anxiety and depression, include self-medication and counselling. There has been little research into the lived experience of trans male gender transition, specifically in the area of identity and the self. This research investigated how transition influences identity in trans men. Van Manen’s phenomenological hermeneutic methodology was chosen, and four participants recruited. Five themes were identified, revealing pre-transition experiences of dissonance, invisibility, self-hate and distress, as participants’ innate sense of identity was gradually subsumed by external expectations to conform to gender binary norms. In all cases, participants reached a point of crisis where hiding their true selves became no longer possible. Through transition, participants achieved alignment with their authentic selves, slowly integrating all aspects of identity; the inner, the physical and the social.