An exploration of the issues raised by living with a child with autistic spectrum disorder and a professional’s attempt to move beyond pity and blame.

A case study is introduced tohelp explain why working with disabled children and their families can sometimes seem like a complex and demanding task for professionals. It is suggested that the emotional component of the parent/professional relationship, particularly where autistic spectrum disorder (ASD) is concerned, can be highly charged and that those concerned can get caught-up unwittingly in a cycle of pity and blame. Psychoanalytic ideas are drawn in to help make sense of the pity/blame cycle, including thoughts about projection, guilt and shame. The importance of moving beyond this state is discussed. An understanding of the possible origins of the difficult emotional circumstances of Juliet and her family and a way forward is indicated. The implications for professionals working in this area are considered.